The Day Will be Longer than You Think
by TrashyDevil
Summary: Dipper visits Mabel at her home and while on his vacation with her, she drags him to a drag show. The thing that's really upsetting about this is that he meets the last person in the world that he would have wanted or expected there at the drag show. The day will be an interesting one, that's the best that can be said. Sorry, f.f.n sucks so I can't give you guys whole description.
1. Golden Primadonna

So here it is, it's been a few months in the making and I am so excited. To start off I have to say that this story was inspired by the song, Primadonna Bill. I do not own that song or the story. The song that Bill dances to is Death of a Bachelor by Panic! At The Disco. Since this is fanfiction. net, I can't offer you guys links. Please enjoy.

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Dipper sat in the car, tapping his foot rapidly, waiting for his sister to bring them to a gut-lurching stop in the parking lot. Damn it, the three scoops of that bright neon ice cream from earlier wasn't helping him get through Mabel's hellbent driving.

He felt like he was going to cover the dashboard in slightly less neon colored vomit if he had to deal with any more of it. He let Mabel pull him into the drag show; his feet dragging on the pavement of the hot parking lot on the way there. The sun was high and the air was muggy- it didn't help his nerves.

"If you don't hurry your shoes might melt to the pavement," she said in a sing song tone.

"Oh god I don't want to do this," he said as they reached the entrance.

"Well, you're gonna," Mabel answered, pulling out her wallet to pay the man at the entrance.

"This is weird," he said, as she grabbed the front of his shirt and continued to pull him inside.

"We aren't exactly normal people, Dipper," she answered with a cocked eyebrow. Her rainbow earrings swayed as she walked. It occurred to him that she seemed to fit in here, but he, with his worn beige t-shirt and dirty shorts, appeared like a shit stain on a rainbow sweater.

"What if someone we know is in there?" he asked.

"Then they would be hypocrites to say anything to us," she answered.

They walked toward the seats through a small crowd of people, and Dipper wanted to turn around and walk back out of the building when he saw the front row was nearly empty.

"Oh look, front row seats!" said Mabel, skipping as she walked. It was an astounding feat to drag someone while skipping, but who better to pull it off than Mabel.

"God, I hate you," he said, as she wrestled him into the seat; staying completely composed while doing it.

"You promised that you would do whatever I wanted," she retorted, pointing a finger at him with her eyebrows raised.

"You would have made me come here whether I had said that or not, regardless of some stupid bet," he stated, matter-of-factly.

"The fact of the matter is that you and Casey didn't last, and I called it," she said.

"Well it looked like me and her would last until Christmas when we made the bet," said Dipper.

She didn't respond to him that time. He grumbled and crossed his arms. The people wandering around had started to find seats when Mabel grabbed his ear and pulled him out of his slouch.

"Hey, these people work really hard, you should be polite and sit up. You are going to clap and at least pretend to have fun," she hissed.

"What are you? My mom?" he asked.

She let go of him, and he took to rubbing his sore ear and straightening his baseball cap. Dipper sighed, brought his arms to his sides, and put his best poker face on to cover the embarrassment as he focused his gaze on the curtains.

"Hm, either you're pissed, or you have a serious case of resting bitch face," she said.

"Don't bother, I know," he answered, waving her off.

The twins sat there silently and waited as people seated themselves around them. Dipper felt his nerves calm as he looked up at the stage and around at the people sitting down, gentle chatter spreading around him.

"Have you ever been to one of these?" he whispered to Mabel.

"A few times. I think it's fun to see all these guys turn into pretty women… there's so much bling," she whispered back. He could practically see the stars in her eyes.

"Isn't that a weird fetish?" he asked.

"They aren't whores, Dipper, they're drag queens," she answered, smirking at him.

Dipper sighed and rolled his eyes. The lights began to dim down, and Mabel sat up, the stage lights making her eyes sparkle. He turned his gaze to the stage, crossing his arms as the first song came on. He couldn't name it; the kind of music that a drunk person could dance to… As the curtains pulled open, three transvestites were found in a generic pose, standing arm in arm. As they started to lip sync to the music, Dipper found himself reclining, letting the noise from the crowd swallow him up. He began to talk to Mabel, the two actually finding things to share once the tension had dissipated.

He took to clapping and smiling along with the crowd while stealing sips from Mabel's coke. After a few dances and a few upbeat songs, it was easy to pretend that he wasn't there. The sound of the crowd and the flashing lights along with the thin layer of glitter over everything- it was like one of Mabel's slumber parties; easier to ignore the longer it went on.

He watched the fourth set of drag queens leave the stage. The curtains then opened, and glitter was blown down for effect as the silhouette of a single dancer came into view. The lights went from dim neon blue to bright yellow as the only performer stepped forward into the glow. It took him a moment, but Dipper could barely believe his eyes.

The drag queen standing there looked horribly familiar in all the wrong ways. That couldn't be right...

Glossy yellow curled hair with a neat black side shave on it.

No, that'd be ridiculous.

A graceful brick pattern tattoo up one leg.

No, it couldn't be.

Long yellow tailcoat, black short shorts.

It was _impossible_.

Golden hoop earrings and a black top hat completed it. The thing that was most off-putting was his yellow eyes popping from behind heavy black eyeliner and a dark tan complexion.

Bill Cipher, the 'Golden Primadonna' (as stated by his stage number) was standing there; a human in drag. Dipper looked over at Mabel for reassurance- _surely_ it was just the summer heat. Maybe someone was just copying Bill's style (and name). But a look of horror had taken hold over her features as she looked over at Dipper.

"Is that who I think it is?" she asked.

"It can't be! Bill was never a human," he said.

"But what if it is? Look at him!" she said.

"Why did we have to come here?" he whispered back, and a moment later Dipper looked up again to see that Bill was beginning to move to the sultry and smooth music, his bright yellow eyes coming to rest on the pair of them.

"Oh god, we've gotta get out of here," panicked Dipper, starting to lean forwards to get up before Mabel grabbed his shoulder and pushed him back.

"Those goddamn tickets weren't cheap. We are staying to the end. It'll be easy to avoid him when everyone is standing up," said Mabel, giving him a hard look.

"I don't want to watch Bill Cipher dance to stupid music while dressed as a woman," muttered Dipper petulantly, peering back up at the stage from under his hat. A cold sweat broke out on the back of his neck when he saw Bill flash him a nasty, wicked, and heart stopping smile. Bill bent over backwards as he moved to the music, each step surprisingly well placed considering the thin black heels he wore. He turned, and swung his legs out to the beat of the song. His movements were beautiful, and for a moment he could see himself in the back of his mind running his hand down Bill's sleek form. He was disgusted with himself as he dismissed the idea.

The demon never stopped moving, appearing to be a part of the song in the way he changed direction with each beat. Dipper began to wonder how long Bill had been doing drag; how he managed to gracefully maneuver in amazingly high heels. As Dipper looked back up, his eyes locked with Bill's for a split second. He looked down and pulled his hat over his eyes.

Shortly after the demon was done, the whole event ended, and Dipper had grabbed Mabel's arm and was rushing them toward the door. They were almost there when a drag queen moved in front of them at the door, a step from where he had been standing. He had dark skin and a red dress that didn't manage to cover the fact that he must have been a bodybuilder.

"Oh honies, one of our queens wanted to see you; said you were old friends. Oh, in fact, just let me take you right to him." The man had spoken three times faster than any normal person, and in a falsetto that made him want to puke. He had both of their arms in his tight grip before either had the guts to argue with him.

Once they had been taken through a backdoor leading through a hall, Dipper began to protest.

"How do you know that we know this guy?" he asked as he struggled not to catch his shirt in the closing door.

"He pointed you two out specifically; called you old friends," he said.

"We didn't recognize him at all." Mabel shook her head in faux denial, like a child with stage fright at a school play.

"What did he do to give you cold feet?" asked the drag queen, but before they could both fabricate some kind of far fetched lie (or maybe just the truth), the guy had stopped talking to them and was smiling over behind them.

"I have them darling," he said as he pushed them both up to a small curtained booth, where Bill's head poked out from. He didn't say anything at first, but smiled as they were shoved behind the bright, paisley patterned curtain.

"Oh, thank you so much! I've missed these two; I suppose that they didn't recognize me. Thanks for bringing them in," said Bill in another, much smoother falsetto.

"Oh it was nothing darling," said the other man, walking off.

Bill closed the curtain and turned back to them with a smile.

"...Are you going to kill us out of vengeance?" Mabel finally asked.

"What? No," said Bill back in his normal tone, "Come on, Shooting Star. It's been years. Now I am just interested in why you two would be at a drag show. Pine Tree looked like he had seen a ghost," said Bill.

"We thought you were dead." Dipper pointed a finger at him.

"What business do you have with what I- I mean, we do with our free time anyway?" asked Mabel.

Bill shook his head, smirking, and sat down in front of his portable shelf stacked with beauty products to start taking his heavy makeup off.

"Well, I'm not dead, as it happens, and to get to the point, a better question would be if you'd be interested in going out on the town with me?" asked Bill, his smile especially wide as he wiped the dark brown lipstick off.

Dipper and Mabel looked at each other, both looking terribly confused.

"What the hell would possess us to do that?" asked Dipper.

"I can literally possess you if you don't remember, so the answer could be me!" Bill explained in a cheerful tone of voice as he pushed a bunch of cotton balls caked with used cosmetics off of his table.

Mabel shot him a glance. "I don't really want to hang around with a guy who would threaten to possess us," she pointed out.

"But would you hang out with a guy who would go dress shopping with you?" he asked.

Dipper could practically feel Mabel begin to bubble over next to him. Sometimes he felt like she might just start drooling glitter (and it wouldn't really surprise him if she did- there were stranger things to be seen), and this was one of those times.

"No. No. No, don't you even-" Mabel cut him off.

"Say, Dipper…" Mabel began, somewhat mockingly, "You lost that bet! We are taking him with us," Mabel stated, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him lightly, "I need this," she whispered pleadingly.

"I hate you both," Dipper deadpanned as Mabel took his hand and jumped up and down, squealing in excitement. Dipper would have asked what the worst that could happen was, but the answer to that question was too terrifying to think about. Especially with Bill involved. He could possibly invade their minds, turn their blood to actual glitter, or rip apart their bodies from the inside… the worst part was that Mabel seemed fine with every single one of those things.

"Oh, I think that's a yes, Shooting star," said Bill, as he stood back up, light eye shadow reapplied. He went on to walk behind another curtain to change.

"It's going to be a long day," muttered Dipper.

Dipper walked down the street with the pair of them, having resolved to leave the car in the parking lot and walk to the mall that Bill had talked about from the show venue. He shuffled behind Bill and Mabel as they chattered on enthusiastically about anything and everything. Dipper's arms were firmly crossed over his chest, and he did his very best to look as upset as at all possible.

"Demons, sisters, dresses and all this bullshit. I'm too sober for this," Dipper muttered as he walked.

When Bill dropped back and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, he could feel the hair on the back of his neck raise.

"You're looking down, Pine Tree," he said genially.

Dipper looked away from him, "God, please, let go of me," he said.

"Aw, feeling claustrophobic?" he asked with a sly smile. "And I would think that I am the wrong person to be calling 'God', _honey_."

"This is why I think you should let me go. That, and it's _only_ like 100 degrees out," answered Dipper, rolling his eyes and looking the other way.

"Sarcastic- I should put you in drag sometime; you'd fit right in," said Bill, laughing.

Mabel wrapped her arm around Dipper as well, "Come on, bro bro, he is going to try on dresses. Do you know how long I have wanted to put a guy in dresses?"

"I don't want to know- nor have I ever wanted to," answered Dipper.

The three made it to the mall, and Dipper felt himself go red with all the odd looks that were being thrown his way. When he tried to get the other two to let go of him, Mabel fixed her arm around his middle. As he shrunk back, he felt Bill reach over and begin to pull the hat off of his head, which caused him to turn and nearly knock Mabel over trying to grab it. He winced as he heard a rack fall over and Mable laughing.

"Haha! I've got your hat, Pine Tree!" said Bill, quickly taking a step back and avoiding Dipper's grasping at the hat.

Bill put the hat on his own head and began to walk backwards off into the shop, a feat that was impressive in itself considering the fact that he was still wearing the heels from his performance.

"Now I can be the Pine Tree," he said, and Dipper couldn't help but crack a slight smile as he walked after Bill, holding out his hand for his hat.

"Come on now, we're making a scene. In the mall," he said quietly.

"Why do I care? Come on, everyone, I'm a drag queen!" Bill yelled, turning a circle and raising his arms to no appreciable response, aside from Dipper covering his mouth as he burst out laughing, moving faster to grab the back of Bill's shirt collar and retrieve his hat.

Bill smiled at him as he straightened the hat over his disheveled hair.

"That hat still smells like Gravity Falls," commented Bill as they started walking through the halls, looking for Mabel's favourite shops.

"It's the same hat; plus it spent like five years there without me," answered Dipper, looking at his reflection in some of the glass windows of the shops to fix his hair.

"Wait- why?" asked Bill.

"Oh after that summer me and Wendy traded hats, but uh, when I came back she had left it at the mystery shack," said Dipper.

"Hm... That's really sentimental," he answered. Dipper shrugged in return.

"It's a good hat," he said.

Mabel then tapped Bill's shoulder and pointed to a shop, immediately babbling over how everything in there had extra glitter on it; Bill replying with similar enthusiasm. This is what Dipper got for visiting Mabel… Well, he would probably get a rainbow unicorn shirt or something along those lines as well. Like he needed another one of those.

Mabel and Bill were soon rifling through the racks, and then throwing the dresses into Dipper's arms as they went.

"What am I? A pack mule?" asked Dipper.

"Shut up," answered Mabel as she pulled a particularly ruffly blue dress off the rack.

"You are close, and you carry shit we want to buy. Pack mule is the best term for that," Bill said with his hand in the air, soon shoving another dress into his arms.

"He's certainly as stubborn as one," giggled Mabel.

"Real technical," scoffed Dipper.

"What else would I be?" asked Bill.

After at least a dozen dresses, skirts, and shirts had been loaded onto Dipper, they were all snatched from him at once as Mabel literally shoved Bill into the dressing room. Dipper walked over and set his elbow on her shoulder.

"Real eager to get him undressed," he jabbed.

Mabel punched him in the arm, and just as he was going to strike back, Bill came back out and pushed them apart.

"I leave for 3 minutes," said Bill sarcastically.

Dipper snorted, "I don't think I can take you seriously while you are wearing that," he pointed down at the saggy purple dress.

"Hey, I didn't pick it," he said with a shrug.

"Yeah, that one wouldn't even fit someone fat," said Mabel.

"You shouldn't have touched it in the first place," said Dipper.

"God, if I didn't know any better I would think you two just want me to strip it off here and now," said Bill.

"I don't particularly want to see your naked body, Bill," replied Dipper.  
"Oh, but I bet you would!" Bill laughed, and pulled at his sleeve.

Mabel took Bill's shoulder, flipping him around and shoving him back toward the dressing room. Bill tripped on the dress on the way over, ungracefully falling against the door to the dressing room.

Dipper laughed, "My god, I can't believe that you have Bill Cipher tripping around in a dress. How do you always manage to do things like this?"

Mabel shrugged. "Lady's touch?"

"Oh, very funny," called Bill, "But I don't think that I would buckle for a lady's touch, I want to do this."

Dipper shrugged. "I can't understand why then."

"You humans, you have this thing about being a man or a woman and all the things that come with either one, and you know what?"

"What?"

"I don't give a flying fuck what any of them are," Bill said, opening the door and coming out in an asymmetrical knee length yellow dress with one short sleeve on it, the other side strapless. The dress fit perfectly, considering the fact that Bill had no hips or bust to fill it out. Dipper gulped and turned his face away slightly.

Mabel did a wolf whistle and all three started laughing after a moment.

"So you think this one's a keeper then?" asked Bill.

"I would pay for you to keep that," answered Mabel.

"Well, you can if I decide to perform in it," Bill chuckled. He combed back his hair with his hand and checked his teeth in the mirror, "Or I might just wear it."

"How often do you perform anyway?" asked Dipper.

"Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday," he answered, "The funny thing is that on Sunday some of the people who watch us look like they were just at church."

The three chattered on (Dipper joining reluctantly,) eventually setting all the rejected dresses on him and telling him to put them back. He in turn grumbled and did as he was told.

They walked out of the mall with bags of useless things and clothing that they picked up on the way out. This included an unfinished bag of McDonald's food, a bag with at least three snow globes in it, and two separate bags dedicated to nail polish, earrings, and numerous pairs of high heels. Almost every item had copious amounts of glitter on it or was somehow otherwise sparkly, colourful, or eye popping.

They were soon heading back to the parking lot where their car was. Mabel and Bill had moved to talking about performing, but Dipper was hardly listening. He wished he could say that he had moved past the thought of Bill, but most of him was just worried that the demon could still read his thoughts. He hadn't said anything, but Dipper still wasn't convinced that Bill didn't have some sort of motive behind what he was doing.

Just when they had reached the car, and Dipper thought that he could be rid of Bill, Mabel said something that immediately made him turn around from where he was opening the car door.

"Do you want to go out for dinner with us? I know of a great Thai place downtown," she offered.

"Wait, Mabel, I mean-"

"I would love to," answered Bill, smiling at Dipper. "You thought you would _be rid of me_ then, Pine Tree?"

Dipper turned his head and glared at him, "Funny wording."

Bill snickered at that, and slipped past Dipper, getting in the front seat. Dipper grumbled and got into the back of the car, crossing his arms and muttering out quiet complaints. Bill could definitely read his thoughts, and that worried him much more than anything else that evening. What was he after- a way to take over the world? A way to kill him and Mabel? Revenge? Their souls?

Before he could ponder any further on the subject, they had pulled up to the restaurant that Mabel had mentioned. As they went toward the door, something even more terrifying occurred to Dipper. Bill and Mabel lived in the same city, and Dipper would be back on the near 13 hour drive to Gravity Falls soon. She would be practically alone, and if something happened, Dipper wouldn't be able to get back fast enough to come to the rescue.

They seated themselves at the table. Dipper sat next to Mabel and stared at the ceiling, tapping his foot until Bill flicked something at him. Dipper pursed his lips, looked at his shirt, and found a small round ball of napkin on his chest. He picked it off and looked at Bill. The coy look on Bill's face startled him, and he looked down at the table.

"Haha. Pine Tree, you need to relax; you've looked pretty jittery all day."

"Doesn't help that you're here," and Dipper regretted it the second it had slipped out of his mouth. "That's not what I-"

"So you want me then, Pine tree? Drag queens aren't so bad?"

Dipper leaned back in his seat and looked down at his menu, seemingly more interested in the flavors of thai iced tea than ever before.

"Well you're no fun," Bill reached forward and lifted Dipper's chin. They locked eyes, golden to hazel, and for the slightest moment Dipper thought that Bill was really pretty, but a moment later gently pushed Bill's hand away.

He decided he would pretend it hadn't happened, draining his glass of white wine the next moment. He grimaced at the taste of it for a moment, a bitter flavor spreading up the back of his throat from the cheap wine.

As Mabel and Bill talked, Dipper found himself itching to make comments; to talk to them. At the same time, he had been silent for the latter part of the evening, thinking about things. There was no easy way to join into a conversation after that.

"What, so you think that it's actually worth it to go to nail salons?" Bill asked Mabel.

"Well of course it is, there's no place to get better work done. I really like the nail art you can get on acrylics," she answered.

"Really? I prefer the gel art better."

"Well, I can't deny the power of those lasting gel acrylics. But I still love my nail art. Just look at this extra glittery one!" Mabel prodded her heavily bedazzled hand at the man.

"What salon do you recommend? I've always wanted to get them." Bill replied.

Then again, maybe this conversation wasn't worth the trouble.

"Pine Tree, you've been awfully quiet," said Bill a few minutes later.

Dipper looked up, "Yeah… It hasn't been my favourite night."

"That could change," said Bill casually.

"What?"

"Nothing."

Mabel coughed, "Flirting."

Dipper choked on his drink, and Bill started laughing.

"Aw, Pine Tree, do I make you want to choke? How romantic," Bill brought his hands up into a heart over his chest, while Dipper coughed violently on the other side of the table.

Dipper cleared his throat and sat up to announce, "I hate both of you," while the other two idiots giggled like little girls.

He sat there and tried his best not to think about Bill flirting with him. Actually (not that he would ever admit it), the idea was almost okay in his mind. Perhaps he had been giving Bill the cold shoulder, but the guy was charismatic in a deadly way. He didn't particularly have a grudge against him whether he liked it or not- in fact, he genuinely liked Bill so far. He had favored Bill in the back of his mind when he was up on the stage.

Dipper didn't want to see Bill's face- he wasn't hiding anything when it was running across his mind so openly. At that moment, the waiter came over and set their food down on the table. Dipper let out a relieved sigh, immediately digging into his shrimp… rice noodle thing. He wasn't sure what it was.

Dipper had managed to stop thinking about anything other than what he was eating. Inevitably the meal would end, and he wasn't sure what would come after that.

"Dipper," a shiver ran up his spine as he looked up at Bill. He had used his name.

"Yeah?" he asked as nonchalantly as he could, picking his drink up to sip it.

Bill's mouth curved into another one of his wicked smiles, "After we are done here, do you want to come with me to chat out back for a minute?"

"Not particularly," answered Dipper, his nose twitching as he shoved back the awful ideas that flew through the back of his mind, forcing the idea of Bill killing him to the front.

"I'm not going to hurt you or something," said Bill.

"Mhm, and I was born yesterday," said Dipper, twirling his fork in his food.

Bill reached out and set his manicured hands on the table, Dipper momentarily taking notice of his yellow nails with black tips. They looked sharp enough to kill someone. "I actually have something important to talk to you about. I have no reason to hurt you."

Dipper raised an eyebrow and shoved another forkful of noodles in his mouth. "Mabel, you've heard this?" he asked.

Mabel nodded and tried to speak through her giant mouthful of curry and rice, causing Dipper to put up his hands to stop her and continue speaking, "If I don't come back 30 minutes after I've gone, call the cops… or something."

She nodded and put up her thumbs, shrugging.

Bill shrugged as well, "Whatever makes you feel better, Pine Tree."

Dipper wasn't sure whether he wanted to eat faster or slower. Would he be rushing toward his death? Would Bill injure him? Would Bill… Well, maybe Bill really did have something to talk to him about. The problem was that this was Bill Cipher; there was no saying what he might want from anything.

As he finished, Mabel stood out of her seat to let him out. He stretched as he stood up, and Bill yawned before starting on his way. Dipper put his hands in his pockets and followed Bill out the back door.

"Right then, what did you wa-," Bill kissed him mid-word, and his eyes went wide as he tried to process it. The smooth set of lips on his sent shivers down his spine; the warm body pressed against his; noticeably masculine. As he came back to himself, he shoved Bill away. He looked at Dipper, smiling like a devil.

"Well that's one of the things you expected of me, wasn't it?" he asked.

Dipper took off his hat, turning around with a look of shock still plastered on his face.

"I didn't think that hard on any of that," said Dipper.

"I wasn't really paying attention to your sister, so yeah, I caught it."

"You know, I'm not sure if I want to punch you or walk away or- or-" Dipper stopped.

"Or what? Kiss back?" he asked.

"What are you getting out of this anyway? My trust? You don't do things like this without motives," said Dipper.

"I know you have motives; I don't know about myself," answered Bill.

"Yeah? I find that hard to believe."

"For one thing, you've been worried about me hurting your sister or getting revenge all day. I could tell you that I don't want to do it either," said Bill.

"And you're going to convince me of that by kissing me?" he asked.

"That was because you have also been thinking about the fact that you can't help but _like_ me all day," said Bill, "That, and it was kind of comical considering that you thought of exactly this happening."

"Well…"

"You can't lie to me."

"I think you're a horrible person," he started.

"I'm hardly a person to start off."

"But I also think that you're cute," Dipper stated.

"Oh, that's a bit bold for you," replied Bill.

"Yes, that sounded stupid."

"You want to kiss again." Bill held out his hand, looking painfully hopeful.

"I might," Dipper rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair and pacing. "Not really sure if I want to do that right now- What about… later?… and I kind of want to go back in to make sure that Mabel doesn't call the cops."

"Probably a good idea," answered Bill, "Though before we do, I do have something to ask of you."

"Shoot."

"Wanna head back to my house without your sister and spend the night?" asked Bill.

Dipper's eyes widened at what he was suggesting, "You mean like-"

"You got it."

Dipper thought about that for a moment, "Only if Mabel will actually let us go off alone."

"Shit, I didn't expect you to agree so quickly," said Bill.

"If you were looking to kill me you wouldn't have used sleeping with me to get me alone."

"Or I just know you that well..." Bill chuckled, walking over and opening the door for Dipper. "Ladies first."

Dipper stayed where he was, "The dumb before the graceful."

"Well played," said Bill, walking through the door, "But I'll get you back for that."

 _Well,_ this _ought to be interesting..._

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Hey, leave a comment, follow us, whatever but most of all, join us on tumblr... What? I have to get my advertising done somewhere. You can also find this story on wattpad and AO3 if you like them better. All these links will be in my description. I feel kind of stupid to assume anyone will visit these other sites... *Shrugs* Whatever.

Tumblr that I'm not too lazy to add:

Just remove the spaces.


	2. The Human Experience

**I should remind everyone that I'm not sorry.**

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The pair walked back in; Dipper looking particularly flustered and a smug smile cut on Bill's face. Mabel hopped up from her seat upon seeing them.

"I paid for the food, let's go. Oh, and Bill, you need a ride?" asked Mabel, skipping out the door of the restaurant.

"That depends, I usually carpool." Bill shot Dipper a suggestive look.

"He needs a ride home," said Dipper, the uncomfortably warm breeze doing nothing to keep his face from going red.

"Hm, I think that I might not," he answered.

"No, no, you _definitely_ need a ride," said Dipper.

"But Mabel needs a ride first," added Bill.

Mabel cleared her throat, "Did I miss something?" she asked.

"Nope, nothing at all," answered Dipper, walking out toward the door.

Bill looked highly amused. "Okay then, Pine Tree," he said, and walked towards the car, Mabel in tow.

"Wait, what's going on now?" asked Mabel.

"Um," Dipper started.

"Um," Bill continued.

She looked at them both for a moment, and then sighed, "You know what, I don't want to know."

Bill and Dipper looked visibly relieved, although Dipper knew that she had caught on with the evil look that she flashed him. He hadn't heard the end of it from her, and . He was absolutely sure that he would get an earful once they were in private. It was high on his list of priorities to not get caught alone with her for awhile.

They got to the car, where Dipper forced his way past his sister to the driver's seat, getting in. He turned and took the keys from her as he started the car.

Mabel gave him a death glare in the rearview mirror in before he could talk, causing him to feel much less bold about himself.

"We are dropping you off at your house… Then I'm taking Bill home," Dipper muttered as quietly as he could.

" _Actually_ , Dipper, you are going to drive me home, let Bill off, and then come back to my place, because it is too late to let you drive home in the dark."

"I can drive perfectly fine," retorted Dipper, turning a corner on the road before Bill nosed in, turning and looking over his shoulder to talk to Mabel.

"I think that it'll all work out perfectly fine when it comes to Dipper and driving late," he said.

"But just a little while ago, you two were… not talking or something?" asked Mabel.

"Well, we are adults, we can make adult decisions," said Bill, putting his feet up on the dashboard casually. "Eh… Say, Shooting Star? This is your car, can I have the key after we let you off?" Bill asked tentatively. "I mean you're right, it _is_ getting late… I'm sure I can drive better than Pine Tree."

"How about when we get back you get Dipper's truck; I don't see you two being back by morning," said Mabel, waving her hands and rolling her eyes playfully at Dipper, who was positively burning red in the driver's seat. This is not what he thought he'd be doing this evening.

"I see no issue with that," cut Bill into the sibling squabble.

"Sounds just peachy," said Dipper, less confidently than he meant it to be.

"Then it's settled," Bill responded, eager to get underway.

They pulled up to Mabel's house, and Bill was out of the car moments after they had stopped. As Dipper parked the car, he looked out the windowup just to see Bill hanging onto the locked passenger door of his truck like a child. He couldn't help but smile at that… it was cute. He pulled out the keys, and Mabel had taken them even before he had even held them out. She locked the doors to her car and made a beeline for her house with a fast 'have fun, love birds' before he could smack her.

He pulled his keys out of his pocket and waited impatiently for Bill to let go of the door so he could unlock it. The two got in the car and Dipper sat there a moment before he sighed and put his head down on the top of the steering wheel. The horn promptly went off, making Dipper jump, echoing the sound back.

"Nice one," said Bill.

"That's disgustingly sarcastic," said Dipper, taking a deep breath and rubbing his face.

"What's wrong? It could have been more scathing. Do you want a more scathing remark, Pine Tree?" asked Bill.

"Not particularly," he muttered.

"Then what's got you up in knots?" his tone of voice was almost seductive.

"This is fucking crazy!" Dipper replied, throwing up his hands in wordless frustration.

"Define 'this'," Bill asked, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in the a hand through his hair and leaning back in the seat.

"I'm taking you back to your house to do god-knows-what to me, and an hour ago I was trying to ignore your goddamn existence!" exclaimed Dipper.

"God-knows-what?" questioned Bill. "No, I know in great detail what I plan to do with you. But your stupid god... should not _fucking_ care, damned though I may be."

Dipper went red in the face. "Then… Then what _are_ you going to do to me?"

Bill gave a vaguely predatory grin that made Dipper quite uncomfortable. "That's for me to know and you to find out, Pine Tree."

Then, he did the most awkward thing yet- he _winked_.

Dipper rubbed his temples, "You make this so much harder than it has to be."

"That's my job, Pine Tree," said Bill, searching around for the knobs to recline the seat, "That's my job."

The drive to Bill's house was full of sudden yells to turn, and then bickering about how Dipper shouldn't be driving Bill to his own house when he didn't know the way. It ultimately ended in silence when Bill decided that he was done arguing. The stressful driving atmosphere made Dipper more relieved than he should have been to be driving through Bill's neighborhood.

"It would have taken half the time if you had taken the side street I told you to turn on," said Bill irritably.

"Would have helped if you had told me about three seconds earlier about it," he answered, nose twitching as he looked around at the line of houses. "It seems… awfully dull here. Not at all where I would expect a dream demon to live. I thought you had a thing about being out of the ordinary?"

"Well after taking on a human body it got hard to make things as weird as I would want them to be, so I just took the time to make things… moderately out of the ordinary."

Dipper looked up the row of houses the one they were in front of painfully obvious in the fact that it was Bill's. It had an overgrown garden with vines growing up the side of the bright yellow walls of the house. Two stories, generically shaped, but it had a gilded picket fence around it. Dipper felt a cold sweat on the back of his neck at the thought of what he was agreeing to. He pulled into the driveway and his gut lurched as he stopped the car.

"Holy shit," muttered Dipper, the circling denial of the simple idea that this was happening at all ringing through his head.

"Holy shit indeed. I am awfully proud of all the hateful glares I get from the neighbors," said Bill, puffing out his chest as he spoke.

"No, it's not that," said Dipper.

"What's wrong then?" asked Bill.

"I'm just… I think... I'm shaking," murmured Dipper.

Bill went quiet, and then put his hand on the door, opening it, before continuing in a more formal tone, "Thank you for driving me home, Pine Tree. Would you like to come in for some tea or something? I have all sorts, like cinnamon and chai… or coffee, coffee's always good."

Dipper walked in and smiled weakly, "How about some good sugary coffee?" he asked.

"Oh fun, I'll get a pot started!" said Bill, pulling off his boots and speed walking down the hall and into the next room "Have you ever tried putting a mint tea bag in your coffee?" he asked, peering around the corner.

"No, that sounds terrible," answered Dipper, putting his hat on the coat hanger and taking a moment to look over the variety of brightly colored coats and scarves hanging there.

"So many things to try and so little time!" said Bill, ignoring what he had said and rushing through the kitchen then down the hall.

Dipper took the moment offered and leaned back against the wall. He was really doing this, and to make it even more odd, he _wanted_ to do this. He shook out his hands and walked into the room where Bill had been a moment earlier. He found that the coffee maker was already going and Bill had seemed to have opened several cupboards in search of mint tea… or something.

He sighed and sat down at a chair by the bar counter outside the kitchen. Looking around, he felt that more people than just Bill should have lived there. The big open living room, and the nearly round kitchen separated by the bar- it was all so spacious for just one person. The marble in the kitchen was grey with blue specks in it. Must have belonged to someone with a considerable amount of money. He leaned his head down on the cool stone and breathed slowly.

There were footsteps up to the doorway, and Dipper lifted his head to look, his eyes going wide. Bill was standing in the door… stark ass naked. He couldn't look away Bill's sleek form silhouetted by the light in the hall. He closed his eyes and gulped heavily, cracking his eyes again to look back at Bill.

"You are… " Dipper began.

"I am back to serve you coffee," said Bill in a nearly mocking tone.

"I think that coffee is out of the question at this point," said Dipper, feeling suddenly bold, getting out of the seat and walking around the corner of the bar.

"Aw, I wa-" Dipper kissed him midword, arms wrapped around his neck, pushing them back until Bill's ass hit the cold stone counter, the slight slap of skin to stone accompanied by the sound of something sliding across the counter. Dipper couldn't help but feel excited when Bill moaned into the kiss.

Getting past the shock of Dipper's sudden action, Bill turned his head to get a better angle and took ahold of the side of his face, humming and leaning into him. The two melted together, soft wet lips meeting, the scratch of Dipper's stubble on his face was one sensation that Bill found overwhelmingly pleasant. The two broke apart, their lips still touching. Dipper found himself nearly lost in Bill's eyes, yellow fluorescent irises seeming far deeper than most eyes.

"You feeling better then, _Dipper_?" Bill popped the 'p', his voice a tone lower than normal.

"I feel like my legs might not hold out too much longer, but other than that," he pecked Bill's nose, "Better than ever."

Bill reached down and pulled Dipper's shirt up over his head, looking up at him. "Good," he tossed the shirt away, "This should be fun."

Dipper peered over Bill's shoulder, "What did you drop?"

Bill raised an eyebrow, turning and searching around for what he had lost and holding it up. It was a small, angular, curved silvery blue bottle.

"Did you just have a bottle of lube lying around?" asked Dipper.

"It was in my pants pocket actually," said Bill, shrugging, and shoving it in the back pocket of Dipper's shorts and kissing him once more.

The two kissed again, Dipper rocking on his feet slightly, holding Bill's shoulder with one hand and bracing himself on the counter with the other.

Dipper pulled back "That's almost upsetting if it weren't for this little situation. When did you get it?" he pressed Bill further up onto the counter in a show of spontaneous dominance. The smaller man rubbed his hands up Dipper's shoulders, pressing his thumbs into the back of his neck and rolling the muscles there. The feeling was near hypnotic, yet close to painful at the same time.

"Don't worry about it right now," he kissed Dipper's neck, licking at him and nibbling at his collar bone.

Dipper let his hands drift down Bill's body, finding his hips and stopping there. Bill combed his fingers through Dipper's hair, pulling back his head, a short sigh escaping his open mouth. Bill smiled, pulling Dipper's face closer to his.

"You're so cute, I could eat you," said Bill.

One of his hands found its way to the waistband of Dipper's shorts, tracing slowly along his stomach toward the button.

"How did you convince me to do this again?" asking Dipper, looking at Bill and sneaking glances at what their hands were doing.

Bill pulled the fly down on Dipper's shorts and hooked his finger there, pulling up and relishing the gasp it earned him. He kissed up the side of Dipper's jaw and stopped with his face next to Dipper's ear.

"I can be more persuasive than I might look," he whispered, licking the shell of Dipper's ear.

Bill pulled the button of Dipper's pants loose, and Dipper leaned back. "I don't particularly want to have sex with you on a kitchen counter."

Bill leaned back and looked down at the counter, "This wasn't really my plan to end up here, but it isn't bad. My ass is cold though- here, let me off." Bill slid off the counter and stretched languidly, leaving nothing to the imagination.

"Couch in the next room?" Dipper asked.

"Sounds like a plan," said Bill, taking a deep breath and rolling back his shoulders, his shoulder blades swiving as he did.

"What, am I not the only one feeling nervous?" asked Dipper.

Bill gave him a playful glare and pulled down his shorts. Dipper laughed and nearly tripped as Bill yanked on his arm to get him to move. Dipper cuffed Bill on the back of the head, so Bill turned around and smacked Dipper's chest. Dipper stepped out of the shorts and threw them onto the glass coffee table before Bill kissed him and the two fell onto the couch.

Dipper lay there, looking up at Bill. He was lighter than he had expected, his dainty torso curving slightly with the way their hips fit together. Bill's eyes glowed faintly in the dimly lit room, the tops of his eyes reflecting the kitchen lights.

Bill slid his middle finger under the waistband of Dipper's underwear and pulled them halfway down Dipper's calves, before settling back. Dipper's face flushed as he looked back over at the coffee table. Somehow not looking at himself while Bill did made him feel better.

"You embarrassed, Pine Tree?" he teased.

Dipper gulped and looked back up at Bill. His chest felt empty except for his heart rapidly pounding against his ribs, saying nothing in response.

Bill smiled at Dipper and moved apart his legs, getting in between them.

"Okay maybe," Dipper's voice cracked, and he shifted and using his foot to slip the underwear onto the floor.

"I thought so," said Bill in a sing song voice, reaching over to the coffee table and grabbing the shorts, pulling the lube out of the pocket and tossing them over his shoulder. He applied a generous amount to his fingers and set it back over on the table.

"Are you ready?" asked Bill.

"Not really," said Dipper.

"Well, I'm not waiting for you," said Bill, causing Dipper to shiver as his fingers brushed against him.

Bill's fingers against the soft skin built pressure in his lower stomach, and as his finger pressed along the small ring of muscles he felt shivers travel up his spine. Dipper took a deep breath, pursing his lips and wincing slightly as Bill pressed a single finger inside. It was an odd sensation, different, but not necessarily bad.

He held his breath as Bill removed his finger, just to begin to add another. This one stung for the slightest moment, but the feeling quickly dissipated. He let out a breathy whimper when Bill brushed against a sensitive spot.

"Does that hurt?" Bill's smile was too soft for the heat of the moment.

Dipper shook his head and Bill added a third finger, eliciting a light moan. It was the slightest bit painful, yet still good in the oddest way. Bill twisted his fingers one last time followed by pulling his fingers out and grabbing the bottle of lube again. Dipper gasped and looked at Bill, his face hot. A final flicker of doubt about having sex with _Bill fucking Cipher_ crossed his mind before it was forcibly wiped out of his mind.

He spread it over his cock before leaning against Dipper, arms braced against the headrest above his head. The anticipation that came in the few moments as Bill came in contact with him were nerve wracking. Dipper gasped as Bill slid into him, gripping the couch. Bill reached his hilt, resting his hips against Dipper's.

"Fuck, that hurts," whispered Dipper, eyes half closed.

Bill's eyes were closed, his silvery eyelids shimmering , "A-ah, I want to move," he managed to say.

"I need you to move," Dipper breathed a moment later, and the next Bill pulled back just to collide with him again, the movement snapping his head back and baring his throat to the man above him. In the next moment he felt Bill's mouth on his neck.

He felt teeth scraping at the sensitive skin there, sending a steady trickle of sensation to distract him from the lingering pain as Bill moved within him. He gasped in pleasure when the skin was nipped on, distracting him from the fact sharp triangular nails had dug themselves into his sides. He arched into the feeling, a strangled moan leaving his mouth as Bill found a pace to move at.

He was on sensory overload. He had never dreamed pleasure could come in this fashion- _only Bill_ , he tried to think, before the ghost of it was wiped from his mind (as if it had never been there in the first place) by a growl as lips swooped down to claim his. He moaned into the brutal kiss, hands sliding up to tug at his hair, legs tightening around his waist as Bill found a solid pace to move at, leaving his face and chest flushed. He undulated against the motions of his partner, the couch shaking and creaking with their movements.

Dipper's whole body shuddered with each thrust; shivered with each tiny twitch. He moaned as Bill hit his sweet spot, his face whipping sideways into the cushions of the couch in ecstasy. It was so fucking _hot._

Bill's fingers dug into his hips, then traveled back up his body slowly. As he had imagined, his nails were terribly sharp, but the whisper of a thought skipped over his mind as the pain and pleasure coalesced. Bill's nails finally found purchase on Dipper's upper arms, making no effort to avoid pressing his nails into Dipper's skin.

After what could have been no more than a few moments Bill leaned forward and again locked lips with Dipper. The kisses were no longer tender; their teeth meeting with a painful click, and the metallic taste of it filling both their mouths.

As they went, Dipper felt the skin break where Bill was clutching onto him, the sting only lasting moments before it was washed out of his head. Bill picked up his pace, Dipper moaning into his mouth as his mouth fell open, unnoticed. Bill moved to biting at Dipper's neck, as ecstasy filled their bodies.

Dipper sobbed into the couch in frustration- he was close. So close. _Desperately_ close. His fingers searched along the shaved half of Bill's head before grabbing onto the long side of his hair, pulling in need. Bill moaned in response as Dipper pulled his head.

Dipper felt himself pour over the edge in a blazing rush, arching his body into Bill's one final time and fighting the urge to clamp his legs down on Bill's torso. The ecstasy poured through his body and he called out as his entire body tensed and shook violently.

Bill continued as he rode out his orgasm, paying little outward attention to Dipper save for the gasp as Dipper's body spasmed around him. As Dipper dug his nails into his back to brace himself, Bill came, leaning his face into Dipper's chest as he called out.

As Bill stopped, Dipper opened his eyes to look at him. He was quivering as he lay against his stomach. He leaned back again; the only sound in the air their heavy breathing. The scene was utterly beautiful and he'd never admit that he thought so.

"S-so how was that," Bill lifted his body slightly, "Dipper."

"Not what I e-expected to be doing tonight," he managed to croak out the words.

"You think we woke the neighbors?" asked Bill.

"We woke the neighbor's children," Dipper found himself chuckling.

Bill brought a fist into the air, "Alright!" He pulled out of Dipper slowly, sending shivers down both their spines. Bill stood up and stretched. Dipper propped himself up on his elbow, watching Bill as he turned to look at him.

"You didn't want to sleep on the couch, did you?" he asked with a sheepish glance at Dipper, holding out his hand.

"I dunno if I'll be able to stand up," said Dipper, shifting and wincing, "Yeah, I'm going to be feeling that in the morning."

Bill grabbed his hand and pulled on him. "You weren't complaining a minute ago," he said.

Dipper groaned and came to his feet, wobbling slightly, "Fuck." He held onto Bill, shivering when he felt drops of liquid sliding down his legs. The sensation on it's own was nearly arousing.

"That was fun, but messy. Gotta tell you that you meat bags are pretty gross," said Bill.

"Wow, _thanks_. But really… That is going to have me walking funny tomorrow," Dipper deadpanned.

"You agreed to it, Pine Tree," said Bill, raising his eyebrows.

"I agreed to it," muttered Dipper.

"Would you do it again?" asked Bill.

Dipper touched his chin, "That depends."

"Depends on what?" he asked.

"Lots of things, Bill."

The two went up the stairs quietly after that, Bill escorting Dipper to his room. Pushing the door open, the room looked terribly comfortable. The bed had more pillows on it than should have fit, and while it wasn't made, it looked like a perfect place to lay.

"May I?" asked Dipper.

"Have at it," Bill chuckled.

Dipper walked over, fell onto the bed, and curled into it, "Yeah, no need to take me home. I'll just chill right here," he mumbled.

"Good, because I have to go back downstairs and turn off all the lights," said Bill, turning around and leaving Dipper to make himself comfortable. As soon as Bill returned to the room, Dipper was sleeping. He nearly wanted to jump on him to wake him up, but at the same time he was dead tired. He ended up crashing into the bed next to Dipper and wrapping his arms around the taller man. He could get used to this… ignoring the warm feeling in his chest, he fell asleep against Dipper.

* * *

 **Follow or Favourite... or flame me for not warning you like all authors seem to about smut. "Boy x boy smut, don't like don't read." Nah, but do flame me, I love every comment.**


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